I am not sure why, but somehow, when I was in college – I was very aware of the need to milk the experience in every way I could. Someone, somewhere, said to me at some point – this is your opportunity to spend time learning and studying about whatever you want. This is a block of time – such as you will probably never have again.

I heard it. And, I took it to heart.

In every way.

After, starting out at a small, private, liberal arts school – which is what I thought I was supposed to do. I ended up transferring to University of New Mexico – long story, but in a few words: Albuquerque on a summer road trip with my sister, spotted a cute Native American guy riding a bike on UNM campus. At the time, that was all it took…Well, the cute guy and…the clouds in the ocean-like sky of which I had never seen the likes of before…

Randomly moving to Albuquerque, New Mexico (I am a Los Angeles native by way of New York-transplant parents) sort of clicked everything into place for me. I worked at a coffee shop – the one right across from campus where all the cool kids hung out at. And, fairly quickly, became a part of a web-like community full of an eclectic mix of artists, musicians, grad students, and college graduates.

I opted out of a BA in English for a BA in University Studies – meaning, instead of, as I saw it, wasting my time on science and math and other subjects that I would have been required to take for a degree in English (and were difficult for me because of my pretty severe dyslexia) – I could choose what I wanted to take, as long as I met the credit requirements. So, I took every literature course I could – along with film and some art and music history. I read, discussed, and wrote – one semester, 25 papers – my way through college.

All the reading and writing and discussing of books that I did during that time was definitely happening in tandem with a life full of, and rich with – music.

I fell, fast and hard, in love with a drummer – actually, an extremely intelligent guy with multiple degrees. But, his amazing record collection and the full drum kit in our living room was an added bonus.

*Abundant live music, dance parties, strumming George Jones songs on the back porch, and green chile-laden potlucks and camping trips inevitably breaking out into jam sessions were very regular events, I think, we all took for granted.

“I took every literature course I could…I read, discussed, and wrote – one semester, 25 papers – my way through college.”

For me, the words and thoughts of Virginia Woolf, Flannery O’Connor, James Joyce, and Mark Twain – were infused with the lyrics and sounds of Liz Phair, Juliana Hatfield, Yo La Tengo – and, Coltrane, Mingus, and Parker. My mind and perspective were expanded – equally – by both.

Life definitely followed a cycle of long, oppressively-hot Albuquerque summer days; moody, chile-smoked fall evenings; and cheap, poorly heated structures-cold winters…

Still.

It was stretching. It was freedom. It was community. All to a constantly revolving stellar soundtrack.

Such a specific moment…Rather than as much time as possible on screens – we spent as little time as possible. It was all about in real life connection. We all worked really hard in whatever we were striving toward, but – then we would come together…

Those four years profoundly shaped who I am, at the core.

That time is my point of context for my priorities, my values, my desires, my parenting, my perspective, my cultural and artistic sensibilities…

It was luxurious in that I lived so simply – yet so fully. With curiosity. And passion. Love. And, focus on satiating my hunger for learning.

There have been times since then when I have wondered what my twenty-three year old self would think of my life. Would she be proud? Disappointed? Ashamed? Underwhelmed? Overwhelmed?

I feel there have been moments that would cause her to cringe. In fact I have been very aware of such moments.

But, I do feel that perhaps I have gotten to a window where she would think I was okay.

I feel that the recent transformation of the Bee Hive is an opportunity to make my younger, clear-eyed, less-muddled self proud.

She would be excited, I think, about being the owner of an independent, community-based book store. Surrounded by books by ridiculously impressive women writers, thinkers, researchers, and change-makers. She would be proud to run a business that works hard every day to nurture community and connection. She would be into being around cool kids – of every age – on a regular basis. And, I think, she would think the Bee Hive playlists aren’t bad.

That moment…

We were all working so hard to be able to go on to whatever was ahead.

But, really, we had it all.

I mean other then the gorgeous and amazing offspring that has since transpired…

We had what people sometimes search their whole lives for without ever finding.

Living fully in the moment. Surrounded by opportunities to learn, grow, and create. Music around every corner. And, people – to love, support, debate, bounce ideas off of, and connect with on a daily basis.

And…mucho green chile.

 

 

 

 

 

*Other then the incredibly rich local music scene, Albuquerque, at the time, was the stop over between Texas and California for many touring bands. EVERYONE played in Albuquerque’s, mostly small, venues. There were typically so many live shows in the Fall, that we used to refer to October as Rock-tober.