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Month: May 2018

#24 – Poof!

Slippery.

It runs through your fingers and there is no grabbing a hold of it. And somehow – I’m not sure how – it only continues to get more so.

And so. I feel as if there is no fighting it. The years are not getting any slower. More methodical. Or luxurious in their passing.

In some ways, I feel as if I can do and be an awful lot in the eyes of my kids. I can have super human strength. Make something yummy out of not much. Conjure up comfort with a song. Make them feel loved and seen and heard, perhaps, when no one else can.

But. Damn it.

I can not slow time.

As much as I wish I could stop it like Super Man can stop speeding locomotives. I can not.

The years are not getting any slower. More methodical. Or luxurious in their passing.

Cash and Olive are bigger and older than they ever have been. Their elementary school years are relentlessly dissolving.  And as much as I try for it not to – it pains me.

And so.

I do what I can to keep the time I am with them full and present and…calm.

I try to savor and hear every word they say, knowing that it is possible, that very soon – they won’t want to tell me anything. We are engrossed in the magic of the classics – I am literally trying to get in as many as we can before they start to shun Heidi and Anne for romance and spy novels. I watch Camp Kikiwaka with them because they love it – and I find it totally amusing (Disney series – Netflix – summer camp), and I rather sit next to them on the couch, eating popcorn, then get laundry done any day. We shoot hoops, take walks, and watch for sunsets, full moons, and moving clouds.

And I try to not get ahead of myself. I try to not be anxious about what’s coming. I try to trust that Harry Potter and Laura Ingalls and Peter Hatcher and the Penderwicks and countless other upstanding, badass, beautiful role-models they have saturated themselves with day after day, have been serving them well.

And I keep them close for now.

Working to wrap my brain around the fact that they are their own strong, creative, thoughtful people who I can not keep contained. And when they fly away – they will do amazing good for all that they touch.

I will, of course, be here with popcorn and songs and open arms…

Always.

 

#23 – Magic

My memory of The Secret Garden from reading it as a kid is foggy. I know I was enchanted by it, but in a dark – sort of over-grown garden in early 20th Century England sort of way. I have not revisited it since. It is a book that I’ve had on my list to read with Olive and Cash and I figured I’d rediscover it as they experienced it for the first time.

And so, not too long ago – we read together The Secret Garden

It is a simple story about a not very pleasant ten-year-old girl who goes to live with her wealthy uncle at his Downton Abbey-sized home in England after her parent’s fall victim to a cholera epidemic where they lived in India. After a pretty rough transitional period, she finds love, freedom, and companionship she hadn’t experienced with her neglectful parents who left her to be raised by servants and nannies.  Along the way she discovers her 12-year-old cousin, who has been shut up in a room in the enormous house. After Colin’s mother died ten years ago – his bereaved father couldn’t deal with his young son who reminded him too much of the wife he was very much in love with, so he left him to the care of doctors and maids. Colin does not walk, and believes he is sickly, and not going to make it past childhood. Mary also makes friends with the awesome sprite-like Dickon – the maid’s maid brother who is literally followed by animals – a la Disney’s Snow White. The three of them – Mary, Dickon, and Colin secretly transform the garden that was Colin’s mother’s favorite place and locked up for ten years, into a lush, lovely sanctuary once again. Oh – and Colin walks for the first time. Ever.

All of this is magic enough. But it doesn’t quite cover the actual magic that is The Secret Garden.

To back up a little…As Mary and Colin spend more and more time together and they both become stronger and more aware, and more like children, really – they discover that Colin’s illness and inability to walk and imminent death – does not at all have to be the reality. They figure out that they can actually create a different world. One where Colin is healthy and joyful and out of the confines of the room he has spent the last ten years in. They start to believe in the power of their state of mind and what they believe.

“Of course, there must be lots of Magic in the world,” said Colin wisely one day, “but people don’t know what it is like or how to make it. Perhaps the beginning is just to say nice things are going to happen until you make them happen.”

“Every morning and evening and as often in the day-time as I can remember I am going to say, ‘Magic is in me! Magic is making me well! I am going to be as strong as Dickon, as strong as Dickon!”

Eventually, Colin’s father returns from his endless travels and discovers his son is vibrant and walking. And that the secret garden is blossoming again. He too, is transformed by the magic.

It is all quite mystical. And lovely. And effective. Olive and Cash were totally hooked. They – and I – were mesmerized by both Mary and Colin’s progression from unpleasant, unloved, sad kids, to kids who – with the help of strong, kind Dickon and going from being shut-ins to being surrounded by fresh air and the wonders of the outdoors – totally turned their health and perspectives, and experiences around in order to become robust, positive, wise individuals.

The aspect that I appreciate most about The Secret Garden, and why it is a classic still read regularly over 100 years after it was originally published – is the magic. Yes, the Magic of the power of thought that is mentioned in the book, but also the magic of it all. The magic of the friendship between the kids. The magic of all that is transformed and brought back to vibrancy – the garden and Colin and Mary – with love. The magic of Dickon and his trail of animals. The magic of them all being willing to believe. The magic of literature. The magic of reading. The beautiful magic that is often only found in kids’ stories. The magic that Olive and Cash experienced through Mary, Colin, and Dickon. This is magic that is becoming harder and harder to find.

The Sunday we finished The Secret Garden, we discovered my car was dead in our driveway. Huge stress and inconvenience. I needed to get it from out of the driveway to a mechanic. So plans were made to have it towed the next day.

I woke up that morning and started saying to myself with much conviction – I AM LUCKY.  I AM LUCKY. I AM LUCKY.  After getting the kids to school, I, by chance – even though the car was scheduled to be towed, got in my car and tried to turn it on. It started! I was lucky!

When I told Olive and Cash after school what happened, we wholeheartedly agreed.

It was definitely magic….

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